I've been working very hard on my yard this year. At the beginning of the year, I thought I might be leaving in the fall -- to go away to school -- and that this was my last spring and summer in the yard. It was a hard realization to have because it brought home all of the transformational work I've done to the yard over the past seven years. Literal blood, sweat and tears have gone into my yard -- along with it much Advil & "recovery" cocktails after long days' work.




It hit me that I might not actually be ready to say goodbye to it yet. As much as parts of the yard -- the messes, the failures, those "problem areas" and things left undone -- as much as they frustrate, disappoint or infuriate me to the brink of throwing up my hands and saying "screw it - let me move to the city to a place without this upkeep," I realized I would really miss it. I also realized that now hile I'm on my own & not bound to opinions of others, I'm finally fully in control.


While I've always picked the plants & dictated the design in my past, married life, I still would always get distracted by the projects of others instead of addressing the areas that bugged me. I'm not putting blame on the other person in the relationship; I'm merely saying "It happens." Whenever there are two people involved, there are usually two sets of ideas and you run the risk of losing a cohesive, overall vision. Some couple have gelled (similar or cooperating) visions, others let one person direct. Other couples have competing visions.


Yet none of that is an issue anymore. If I want to fix something, I fix it. If I want to do something, I do it. Boom -- CHANGE. And I did it. In taking control of things, I also take pride...more pride. I even started taking more pride in all the work I did while in my last relationship. I'm more proud to admit: "I designed that," "I picked those color palettes," "I picked those plants." I also can admit, "I tried that. It didn't work. But I think I learned why."

I want to make things work where they didn't before. I want to learn more, do things with more thought. I want to invest in quality projects -- things that last. I'm willing to spend where it counts. These are all things I've learned this time around. And this time, I'm in control.

Of course, I'm human & I want everything "perfect" right now. But I have to remind myself it won't be and that that really takes the true gratification our of it. As I looks to the yard, at each part and say "I did that. I built that. That took 2 weekends. That took 2 years," my heart wells up. I created something -- it's an ongoing project -- but it's mine. My own little world, imperfect yet beautiful, in my hands & of my heart.

Photo 1: The backyard today, April 2011.
Photo 2: The backyard today, April 2011.
Photo 3: The backyard "BEFORE" - Spring 2004.

Tumblr.

Consider it an amuse-bouche. I have a Tumblr now:


http://thegoodpart.tumblr.com/


In keeping with the "Good Part is Now" theme, I created the Tumblr as a place where I can post the little things that make me happy. Things I find online...recipes that tickled my tastebuds...photos of things that make me smile.

I'll still try and post on this blog when I feel the urge to write more than 140 characters or post a video or link online. But for little tastes of Kristen and The Good Part's Next, feel free to check out the Tumblr.

You want a post? Here you go..

Why haven't I been blogging lately?

I'm too busy being happy, dammit.

That's right. I'm happy. And I'm encountering obstacles every day. But I'm still happy.
My life is all rainbows from rainclouds these days. Literally. See that photo? I thought for a moment I was having a sad day, but then I saw that rainbow. And not just any rainbow...no! A DOUBLE RAINBOW. How often do you see a sign like that? Not often. My frown turned upside down.....Happy.


Two weeks ago I was in NYC and having a frustrating morning after plans didn't go as scheduled. I felt rushed for time. I felt anxious about making an afternoon train to Long Island. I started to -- for a very brief moment -- get cranky & sad. I decided I needed to "take a moment" and sit down -- on the floor, no less -- of Grand Central Terminal. At noon. In NYC.... So I sat down on the marble floor & tried to correct my attitude. I had been so happy the entire trip; I didn't want to ruin things for the rest of it. I looked up. Up on the ceiling, next to Sagitarrius or one of those zodiac figures, there was a smiley face Mylar balloon...smiling right down at me.

I began to both sob AND burst into hysterical laughter. This continued on for about 5 full minutes. I sat down to to "take a moment" and get my attitude straight, and the universe decided to make that happen right away. Once again I was given a sign that everything was A-OK and that I just needed to smile. It reminded me of what was important. Of where I was. Of who I was with. Of all that's right. It reminded me to be happy. And I was....from that moment on.

When I returned home from my amazing Memorial Day vacation 1) four hours late 2) at 1:30am on the night before a hellish day of work and 3) with no "juice" left on my iPhone or energy left in my body, my hot water heater decided to start spewing water all over my utility closet & hallway floor. I had the pleasure of dealing with this by myself for the next 2.5 hours on my hands & knees. Thankfully, my brother was able to guide me via text message on some of the temporary repairs, so that I could at least get a little sleep without worry of a household deluge. Over the next 2 days, I found a plumber myself, dealt with the no-water situation myself, and oversaw the replacement of the water heater myself.....ALL WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE. The plumber even commented that he was so impressed by my good attitude over the matter (and the $950 repair). My response? It doesn't do my any good or make me feel any better to be sad or angry. I might as well just deal with it and be happy.

I've faced similar situations with: My Car (needed a new engine, warranty company denied the claim, fought the warranty company, and won). My Yard (fought with weedeaters, lawnmowers, 67 bags of mulch, incessant weeds, heat exhaustion, snakes, possums, and an unlevel kiddie pool that I won't let get the best of me). My Job (all the usual suspects here + increased volume of product + increased sales + increased responsibilities & new large marketing project). Yet despite all of these hurdles, I AM HAPPY, DAMMIT.

Oh, and did you know I "passed therapy?" I'm too damn happy that MY THERAPIST TOLD ME NOT TO COME BACK. See was so pleased with everything I was doing and the ways in which I was handling every obstacle, every tough conversation, every decision that she told me I didn't even need therapy. I'm happy dammit! She didn't need my $35 every few weeks. Told me to go take myself out to dinner. So I did! HAPPY.

I'm stupidly, giddily, excitedly, spiritually, emotionally, blissfully happy. No matter if I have a cold, if I'm making a cocktail, if I'm stuck in a power outage, if I'm playing with the dog, if I'm stuck on a Tarmac, or if I'm sitting on a beach with my feet in the sand. I'm happy. And I'm not regretful. And I'm filled with love and hope and confidence. (And often times, good food & drink.)

So if you want to know why I've been too busy to write, it's because I've been too busy living. To the fullest. And to the the truest form of me I've ever known. THAT'S what I've been doing.

The good part isn't next. The good part is NOW.

And I can't wait for it to get even better.

"Pardon me, but where have you been?"

Yes, I have not blogged since 2009. Yes, a lot has happened since last fall. I debated with myself over how to share some of this news, and finally just decided to spill the news on the blog. If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you may already know what's been going on. However, if you're like my mom & this blog is your only way of keeping up with me (outside of a phonecall or word-of-mouth), this post is for you.

The big news is that I'm getting a divorce. It's also one of the main reasons I've been absent from blogging for a few months, as I have been wrapped up inside my own brain for quite some time. I also didn't know what to say, and when, and to whom. If you're one of my friends and had no idea, then I apologize that this is the way you found out. I, honestly, did not know the right way to tell you via e-mail & I was too scared to have the conversation by phone. Why? Well, it wasn't an easy decision to come to, and I couldn't imagine that telling those who attended my wedding would be easy either.

There are many reasons that led to the dissolution of the marriage, and none of which I will go into in such a public forum. It was one of those situations that the problems were so far below the surface that I (or we) failed to acknowledge them for months -- years, really -- until they were too great to be fixed. Or rather, they were too far gone for me, personally, to want to fix them. Is this a personal failure? Is this just a failure of the relationship? I don't know. I do know that there were problems on both sides of the relationship -- the greater of which all landed in my own lap. And I take full responsibility for those problems.

Nevertheless, after weeks of discussions, counseling sessions, tears, hugs, fights, and some good/positive talks, T & I resolved to dissolve. I moved out of the house for several weeks in Feb/March, and T found his own place to live. I am now back living in the house with our dog, Daisy. Things are finally getting back to normal -- a new normal...a good normal.

In fact, I'm feeling better and happier than I have in a really long time. I'm finding confidence in my new independence. I'm rediscovering & nurturing passions such as cooking & reading. I'm going out & eating by myself, and overall, enjoying life.

I also began a GMAT prep course at Emory last Saturday which will continue through the end of April. I spent the last week poring thru GMAT prep books & practicing math problems that I haven't attempted since 9th grade Geometry. (A humbling experience for sure, by the way.) I hope to take the GMAT in late spring/early summer, and I will embark on the MBA application process soon after that. I have also been compiling a list of B-schools I am considering. This task is becoming increasingly daunting, as I realize almost all of the schools I am considering are top-tier B-Schools. I've never aimed this high for anything in my life. I've always settled for less and made the most of things. I don't want to settle anymore.

So yeah...a lot has happened. Life-changing events. I've neglected friends & family, as I've dealt with all of this primarily by myself. Please forgive me, but I really needed to do it in such a way. By myself. For myself.

And all in all, I think I'm dealing with it a-OK. Nevertheless, I promise to do a better job keeping people in the loop from here forward, especially with the school prospects.

On another note, I have to add this: never before has my blog title felt so appropriate. I truly feel like the good part IS next. And for the first time in a long while, I feel like I might actually get there.

Blur to bring the background forward - A Repeat

[I posted this last year, but I thought I'd bring it back again this December. It's one of those things I wrote a long time ago that I re-read because it reminds me of something important. I need to remember that lesson again this Christmas, so here's the repeat. Please forgive me, if you've already read this. Hopefully, I can post something new before Friday rolls around to make up for it.]


I wrote this six years ago, but I remembered it after decorating the Christmas tree on Sunday. I thought why not share it here:

Each Christmas I spend many an evening with the lights turned off in my living room and nothing but white tree lights on to provide a warm glow. I lay on the floor looking up toward the lights -- usually white lights only, not the multicolored strands. I love their simple beauty.

I like to cross my eyes a little and squint some, so that the lights become little, blurry rings of gold, twinkling ever so slightly. Some of them cast out thin beams of light -- like fine strands of gold -- and it gives the impression of staring into a star-filled sky.

I blink. It becomes clear again...just some lights on a tree, amidst the other ornaments, beads and balls. Then I stand up, step back and take a look at the whole tree. It's really quite pretty, I must admit. The presents momentarily grab my attention. But the moment passes, and I lay back down -- finding my vantage point on the floor. I squint my eyes again. My stars are there once more. Twinkling and giving off their tiny gold rays.

A strange calm comes over me, and I giggle at myself for being so silly about a tree of all things. I realize that I've been doing this since I was a kid -- ignoring the presents and the big picture for a while and focusing on something much smaller. Something some might consider the"background." Without the lights, though, something is missing.

When you look at the sky in the city, sometimes, something is missing. The stars are often invisible because of the "big picture" -- the buildings, the streetlights, the effervescent glow of everyday life. If you travel outside the city, though, the stars start to reappear. Go outside the city limits one night, and you'll see.

And I don't mean the suburbs, mister. Farther...Go on, now. Go to the mountains, the desert, the country. Now stop looking at the big picture, the presents, the ornaments. Lie down. Look at the background. Blur your eyes -- make the stars dance. Start to see the tiny gold threads that weave this whole shebang together.

Don't worry if you blink. It may look like they've changed, but they'll go back. You'll see...I bet, for a moment, that peace will come to you, too -- if you let it.

The lights are the details in life. The little things...the smiles when you need them, the love that's always there whether spoken or not, or the note that hangs on just long enough in a song. They're always there, but sometimes you have to blur the rest to see them. Sometimes they're forgotten altogether.

At this time of year especially, it's so easy to focus on the ornaments and the obvious details. I have to try to remember to look for the non-obvious details...the blurry backgrounds that hold things together. Those are the things that I think are truly special and truly important.